#HenchCo Magazine

[bronzemettle]

What's this I hear about Hero Rankings? Let me just look up who publishes those...

Are you an aspiring supervillain? You built yourself a laser sword and force field generator and you're robbing banks, but you really want to move up in the world and start making more of a name for yourself.

You need to subscribe to HenchCo Magazine!

This weekly publication contains not only a convenient shopping catalog of advanced technology (It's technically legal as long as we don't explicitly suggest what you would use it for...) (but it's Skymall for rayguns and weather machines), including coupons, plus a selection of tips for places that won't let you buy the tech, but do HAVE cool tech and coincidentally might also have weakened security soon...

You can also find the contact information for an assortment of no-questions-asked mercenary organizations at a variety of price ranges and levels of training, including discounts on HenchCo's own security contractors, all of whom will be willing to wear whatever uniform you give them! Themed, silly, demeaning, unflattering, hazardous to their personal health... Again, no questions asked.

But all that's just the back pages! In the front half of the magazine, every week you'll find the latest insider tips and tricks of the trade, interviews with recently captured supervillains explaining the mistakes they made and how you can do better, expert analysis of the more successful schemes, articles detailing the careeers of the biggest-name villains who never seem to stay down even when they fail again and again...

It's Business Insider, The Economist, Bloomberg, and Forbes all rolled into one, for supervillains! We legally have to tell you that you shouldn't imitate any of the acts described in our pages, but we will describe them in step-by-step detail.

Most of our issues are only for the eyes of paid subscribers, but the second issue of every month is publicly available for standalone purchase in most places that magazines are sold, or in digital form on our website. So you can get a taste without taking the plunge. But know that for every deal, for every tactic you learn, there's so much more behind just $70 per year, or $650 per 12 years (12 year subscription also comes with a free lidded, insulated, copper-interior beer stein that's ornately decorated with human-safe Kryptonite gemstones and contains trace amounts of salvaged Chitauri metal from the 2008 invasion of New York!)

But you may also be familiar with our Special Publications. Quarterly since Spring of 2006, we release our updated "200 Heroes You Must Plan To Defeat to Conquer The World" list, colloquelly referred to by other news outlets as the Hero Rankings.

The simple numbered list of names is available for free on our website, but if you buy the full issue (the first one of each year is available to non-subscribers), you'll find the full breakdown of all 200, who's new, why people moved up or down, full profiles for all their known powers, associates, standard operating procedures, where they patrol, whether they kill, whether they work with the police or SHIELD, and everything else you will need to know, along with another 55 honorable mentions, explanations of why they didn't make the list, and explanations for anyone who was removed from the list since the previous quarter.

Another Special Publication is the famous, infamous, ever-criticized and ever-popular Supervillain Swimsuit Calendars! Since 2010 these are released alongside the first issue of November for each upcoming year. There's a Men's Version, a Women's Version, and a Third Version with a little of everything, 36 (or more!) models every year, but each issue for that week is only packaged with one of the three variations, so your local stands might run out of the one you want! Have no fear, you can order this one online for delivery (shipping not included). Usher in the new year with saucy images from twelve of your favorite outlaws, cutthroats, and misunderstood visionaries.

There may also be... alternate takes for some of the photoshoots, dependent on whether the models were willing to go the extra distance. Available exclusively to subscribers, the Swimsuitless Version of the calendar might only feature models already in the other three variations, and might not even have unique models for every month on some years, but there are no pesky swimsuits to be seen. It's all supervillains all the time from toe to tongue!

(HenchCo Magazine is seriously a genius little bit of background worldbuilding Kim Possible set up for my headmate to wildly expand off from for an old fanfic and then me to steal wholesale for this. I love it so much.)